Flower Power Reminder

Right now my face is still puffy and large from the prednisone and my hair is falling out and growing in at the same time so it’s patchy and weird. Needless to say, I’m not looking like myself. I almost get startled every time I look in a mirror.

I’ve been going through photos to print for a gallery wall in my new place and can’t help but feel sad about my hair. I know it’s just hair and it’ll grow back but it was such a part of my identity.

I stumbled on this French Proverb on Pinterest: “Wherever life plants you, bloom with grace”. Life has planted me here, with cancer, isolated from the world because there’s a dangerous pandemic happening and I must bloom with grace. I have to remind myself it’s all temporary. I know that I’ll be a stronger person after going through this, but it’s just hard to see the end in sight. I guess I just have to take it one day at a time.

No rain, no flowers.

I love to wear flowers in my ear and found a bunch of photos to remind myself of my essence. I’m ready to rock the bald and puffy look with the same confidence as when I have mermaid hair and a giant flower in my ear.

Just needed a little flower power reminder in this downpour.

*Just realized I added an extra O in bloom in my image. Guess I’m bloooooooming with grace. 🤣

Well F*ck, It’s Cancer.

Life just threw me a major curveball. I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL) 14 days ago.

I was sick as a dog in bed for 3 weeks. Many of the symptoms were similar to COVID19 so we figured that’s what I had. I self-isolated in my room for weeks with just virtual doctor visits to discuss my symptoms. At first, they said I didn’t need to get tested unless I was having trouble breathing and to just stay home and isolate. After a few weeks, I thought I was getting better and then crazy lymph nodes in my neck and my eyes started to swell up. That’s when I finally decided to get the coronavirus test. I celebrated when the test came back negative. The next day I made an appointment to get the antibody test to make sure I had it in the first place and to see what was up with the swollen neck of lymph nodes. When the doctor came in with a negative antibody test and saw that I had an extremely high heart rate she sent me straight to the emergency room. Thank God she did.

The emergency room was scary and they ran a million tests to get to the bottom of what was going on. They all still figured it was just a false COVID test result but after a 3rd negative they realized it wasn’t. So I was just sitting in a depressing room watching trash tv waiting for results and this frantic doctor comes in and briefly says “we are going to have to admit you to the hospital. It looks like it’s ALL” and then closes the door and walks away. It was the most surreal moment of my life. I didn’t have time to process what was happening and nobody really explained to me what was going on so I just called my mum and said what had just happened and then made arrangements to have my roommate come pick up my car because they were going take me in an ambulance to the hospital with the cancer ward.

The next day was more tests to make sure it was in fact ALL, and it was. They started me on chemotherapy the next day. They let me know I’ll be in the hospital for at least the next month and then be on chemo for the next year and maintenance for the following 2 years. What a journey I have ahead of me.

The craziest part of this is that my brother, Cory, passed of ALL 35 years to the day that I was diagnosed. My poor mother. She is in Momma Bear mode though. I just can’t help but feel guilty that she has do to this with a second child. Especially someone who’s dedicated her life to helping others in similar situations that she’s been in with the damn “C-word”.

I have faith in God, my incredible doctors and medical staff and myself. I will kick cancer’s ass and this is just another chapter in my book.

I wanted to keep this post short but I just have so much to say. I’ve been trying to sit down and blog about this since I got to the hospital but I haven’t been able to mentally. So sorry in advance for all the words words words but I know people want to be updated.

There are no visitors allowed in the hospital at the moment due to COVID restrictions which sucks. It also means I can’t have packages or deliveries. There’s a small pedestrian bridge I can see out my window that my friends have been coming to wave at me from. It’s so sweet. And I have been OVERWHELMED with the number of people reaching out to me to send support, love and prayers. You all make being stuck in isolation so much more manageable. And the generosity of the Go Fund Me page that my friends set up brings me to tears. I was not expecting any of this. I am so loved by so many. Thank you.

My job is being AMAZING through all this too. I am so truly blessed to have found such an incredible company to work for that cares about its employees in a way I never knew possible. I’m working as much as I can while I’m feeling well. It actually helps pass the time and I love what I do, so it doesn’t even feel like work! Plus I’ve convinced all the nursing staff on this floor to purchase some Peepers! 🙂

Everyone in the hospital is so great. I’m clearly the favorite on the 6th floor. 🙂 I’ve made friends with most of the nurses. I have more human interaction here than I did while I was sick in bed for 3 weeks so it’s great!

I’m feeling pretty good. Just some weird side effects and the occasional health hiccups here and there but overall not feeling super lousy. Yet. I think it’s supposed to kick in either this week or next. But they’re good at doing as much as possible to prevent feeling ill ahead of time. I had a little bit of pill phobia for a couple days but I think I’m getting over that. I just got an unexpected shot in my belly and that wasn’t fun either but I’m managing.

The food isn’t bad. I’m on a steroid that makes me RAVENOUS so all I can think about is food all the time haha so good thing the hospital food is decent. I’ll write another blog post about all the random food I’m craving at a later date. You’ll laugh.

I know a lot of friends and family want to reach out and don’t know how. And I don’t expect you to. I’d love a text or a message on social. I’m just chilling all day erry day so I’m down to text. I’d love to NOT talk about cancer and just talk about life and funny memes and pics of your dogs or your babies or anything really. So please keep reaching out. I love hearing from you. Just know that sometimes I might be too tired or ill to respond and ALSO my fingertips are going numb (which is very weird) as a side effect so there might be typos but I’ll get back to you when I can.

I appreciate all the well wishes but know that I’m doing ok and I freaking got this.

Songs about the SUN – Playlist

It’s raining in California this week. It’s also day three hundred bazillion of quarantine so it’s time to make a playlist that can transport me to happier times. ( I’m actually ok. I’m healthy. I have a great home to self distance in with a view of the ocean. I’m being dramatic.)

The lyrics to Ben Harper’s song really resonates with my spirit… “she’s only happy in the sun” because TRUTH!

Pretty sure J Boog’s song, Sunshine Girl, is about me.

Anyway here’s a list of songs about the sun that will hopefully make you smile and dance and forget there’s a worldwide pandemic happening.

Love and light! lol

Quarantine Memories: Last Year’s Superbloom

Usually this time of the year, Amelia and I go chasing wildflowers. Due to our current situation with Coronavirus, our flower frolics are put on hold. As scary as things are at the moment, it’s also kind of nice to have down time to reset, take care of ourselves, reconnect with old friends and family, reflect on memories and set intentions for the rest of the year.

I can’t wait to go on adventures again but to tide ourselves over until we’re allowed to roam freely, here are some images from last year’s superbloom.

Lake Elsinore has rolling hills painted with poppies. I can’t help but say “poppies” in the Wicked Witch of the West’s voice.

Peep that adorable mini adventurer

Since I have all the time in the world now, I’m going to go through the archives and find some old adventures to share with ya’ll.

In all seriousness, I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy. And thank you to all the people who are risking their lives by going into work during this time. Your service is appreciated.

“Flowers bloom after rain falls”. We’re currently experiencing a massive rainstorm and can only hope for an epic superbloom after this.

Here we go.

Yo yo yiggity yo.

2019 has been a weird year. I turned 30 last December and then… I broke up with my loser boyfriend, quit my job of almost 5 years, moved out of my beautiful rent controlled apartment in West Hollywood and moved to San Diego. Since then I’ve traveled to Europe, went to Hawaii, started a new job, quit said job, went back to Hawaii, started another new job, quit that job, traveled back to Hawaii and here we are now! Super lost and broke… guess it’s time to start a blog.

I’d always wanted to start some sort of blog but was afraid that I didn’t have enough to say or that people wouldn’t be interested in my opinions or thoughts. During this strange transition year I’ve adapted more of an “ef it” mentality. Who cares? I’m going to do this for me. And I think I’m pretty groovy.

Follow along for my adventures, crazy stories, random DIY attempts, creative nonsense and more!

And please be kind.