The Cure is Trying to Kill Me

I think I jinxed myself by wearing this shirt.

nawt.

I started feeling lousy on Christmas. I had a lovely brunch with my parents and we watched Christmas movies and then I went to bed for the next two days because I felt like crap. I got a blood transfusion on Sunday which usually makes me feel better. But the following days I still felt like crap. I just figured I needed another blood transfusion and I go into my appointment on Thursday, which was so hard. I could barely walk to the car. I almost fainted twice that morning. I get to the clinic and they take my temperature and see that I have a fever so they send me to the ER, because my counts were so low. My ANC was at 0.0. I’m admitted to the hospital and they find out I have an infection in my blood and start me on antibiotics. Then my c diff came back and I started to have PTSD from my last visit to the hospital and start to worry that I’ll be stuck there for a month again. My fever wouldn’t go away for days. It’s pretty scary to be in the hospital with several infections and a fever with almost no white blood cells (to fight infections) and super low counts. But the medications started working and my counts started to come up (with the help of daily shots in my belly) and I’m out of there in a little over a week. Thank goodness. That was not how I wanted to start my new year but whatever.

sunrise from my hospital bed

The pharmacy called me before I was discharged and they’re like one of your medications is a bit pricey and I’m like oh yea that’s because it’s a new year and I haven’t met the deductible yet so I’ll just pay for it. The cost was $2400. For 12 pills. That is just INSANE. What do people who don’t have insurance do? Die?!

I’m behind on my chemo schedule since the little hospital visit set us back a bit. I’m starting up again on Thursday and will just have 2-3 more weeks left before I can move to maintenance. I’m looking forward to finishing but not looking forward to feeling like crap until then. It’s crazy how the cure and treatment can be almost worse than the cancer. Someone needs to find a better way to fight this crap. Cancer sucks. But so does chemo.

My set #WFH set up in the clinic

Sometimes I spend all day at the clinic. This day I had labs, a blood transfusion, two chemo infusions and a shot in my booty. Luckily I had a big project at work so I put all my energy into that instead of focusing on the fact that I was in the clinic for like 10 hours. My AirPods died towards the end which was a big bummer. I really need to start bringing a charger with me everywhere. I don’t know how I haven’t learned that lesson yet. I am so not going to miss long days like that.

My hair does not look like the picture above. It’s falling out like crazy but I look so funny. It’s like an old man with a receding hairline because the front is falling out but the sides are still pretty long. I look like George Costanza from Seinfeld. I think it’s time to buzz the rest off.

This sweet nugget was so happy to see me when I got home from the hospital. She laid on top of me for like 20 minutes as if to say you’re never leaving ever again.

Wish me luck as I finish off this never-ending trying-to-kill-me round of chemo.

Tootles.

Cancer is Kicking My Okole

But I have this shirt so… booyah!

Mahalos Nat & Court. I’m so lucky to have you in my corner and F R I E N D S for life.

It’s been a while and I know a lot of you have been anxious to hear how I’ve been doing. It’s certainly been a rollercoaster.

Back in July I got pancreatitis from one of my chemo drugs and ended up in the hospital. What I thought was just going to be a couple days in the hospital turned into an entire month. The worst month of my life to be exact. My body just kept getting worse and worse. Along with the painful pancreatitis I got sepsis, c diff colitis, a lung infection, and a blood clot in my lungs. I spent a few days in the ICU which is all kind of a blur in my memory except for the night that I almost died. I still don’t know what happened but I remember a million people in my room trying to save me. I remember asking a stranger if I could hold her hand and then thinking I should call my parents to tell them that I love them. But I survived. Thank God. I still get chills when I think of that night.

The rest of my hospital stay was horrible. I was in a ton of pain and didn’t get a lot of sleep and it felt like every day I was getting news that my body had a new ailment. I also didn’t eat for a month.. I was fed through an IV. I had to train my body how to eat again which was awful and strange.

I was hooked up to a million things

But I finally got out and am doing much better. I had quite a long break from chemo since they were letting my body heal. I’ve been out for over a month and I still can’t really walk well. I use a walker when I’m in the clinic. I’ve been working with a physical therapist and I’ve been getting stronger but am nowhere close to where I was before my hospital stay.

This round of chemo is considered the “easy” round yet my body has not been responding well. I was super nauseous for a few weeks and could not hold down any food or pills. Then I developed a monster on my lip. My entire lip was a blister for two weeks. They held off on my chemo last week to let me heal. So I’m currently feeling good but know that I have more coming my way in a few days. It’s like the calm before the storm.

I haven’t posted in a while because I literally have nothing to share. I’ve been living in a bubble. I stay downstairs in my little apartment because I can’t climb stairs and the only place outside of my house I go is to the clinic. I watch a lot of Netflix and work from bed. So there’s not really much to report. Occasionally I have friends visit in the front yard but it’s been so hot out it’s been hard. I recently went through some old photos and it makes me so sad that I can’t travel or go on adventures but then I have to remind myself that I’ve been so lucky to have had so many incredible experiences. This is all temporary and I will adventure again.

I watched a virtual gender reveal last weekend. So many of my friends are having babies. I am excited to be an auntie again and again but it makes me sad that I don’t get to celebrate in person. I also have been watching love stories on tv (mainly One Tree Hill lol) that make me want that special bond with someone and all I can do is wait until I’m better and covid’s under control before I can even put myself out there. What an exercise in patience. There was a cute nurse at the clinic a while back.. so maybe there’s hope after all. 😉

One of my girlfriends sent me fancy nail polish. It’s crystal-infused and the top coat has tiny amethysts in it. It’s called Healing Energy and I need alllll the healing energy vibes I can get.

Tanks Pauline 🙂

This nugget keeps me company (when I have food) and she falls for the “fake donut” every time.

dat face doe

Ta ta for now…

-xoxo Gossip Troll