Palm Trees with My Main Squeeze

Not too long ago I had to teach myself how to walk again after spending a month in a hospital bed. It’s been a long road to recovery and I still am unable to walk properly but I get stronger every day. So when I “hiked” down and up this small canyon I was elated.

Caroline (one of my bffs from childhood) and I rocked up to the Palm Canyon in cute outfits and the ranger in the parking lot asked if we had water and how far we were planning on hiking and I said just to the bottom of the hill for photos in the palm trees (duh) and he said “yea I figured” and glanced over at Caroline’s dress. We obviously were not dressed in hiking gear but we did not need your sass, sir.

Ranger cheekiness aside, this place was EPIC. We went first thing in the morning to beat the heat and the crowds. It was $9 a person to enter Indian Canyons but there are different canyons with several hiking/horseback riding trails and waterfalls. Palm Canyon is at the base of one of the trails so people who walk like wobbly toddlers (me) don’t have to hike much to get amazeballs pics like this:

A Picture-Perfect Pinch Me Picnic

As of Tuesday, I have been fighting cancer for ONE WHOLE YEAR.

I wanted to do something special as a thank you for the girls that have been my San Diego fam through this insane year.  They’re the ones that made signs and waved at me from a bridge outside my hospital room when they weren’t allowed in due to Covid, organized video messages when I was feeling down, brought me dinners, constantly checked in, and did more for my morale than they even know possible. I am forever grateful. So as a small token of my appreciation I hosted a sunset picnic at one of our local neighborhood viewpoints overlooking the ocean.

First of all, I love hosting and planning events, and this gave me something to dive my energy into besides work lately. There are tiny details, if you look closely, that I tried to put a lot of love into. I arranged the flowers myself (and then all my girls brought me bouquets of flowers themselves as a gift – they know me so well), stuck to a color scheme (pink is my current color obsession), designed “thank you” cards along with handwritten geode name tags for everyone’s table setting, bought an insane assortment of snacks for grazing boards (+ pizza duh), curated a playlist that included songs that reminded me of each of my guests from a specific memory with them, and had a cheeky “F Cancer” sign to remind us what we’ve been through. To top it all off Amelia made the most gorgeous candy platter of my dreams.

We laughed, cried, hugged (for the first time in a YEAR), ate way too much, watched the sunset, and had the sweetest evening with the best friends a girl could hope for.  

*I wish I had taken more photos but honestly, we were enjoying each other’s company that we forgot to.

*Shout out to my BFF Amelia. She’s v preggo and I’m still pretty wobbly/fatigued, and we set up this whole thing just the two of us.  

How lucky am I that I get to call these girls my friends? Pinch me.

You bet your butt I’ll be throwing a blowout party when my treatment officially ends that EVERYONE will be invited to… but we still have over a year before that happens so stay tuned. 

alohaaa

Fresh Flower Field Frolics

I LOVE springtime. I also love that I’m feeling better these days. I had a couple days in bed feeling awful from my monthly steroids, but I talked to my doctor about it and we came up with a game plan to hopefully alleviate some of the horrible (and I mean horrible) side effects next month. Wish me luck. But besides that, I’m feeling great. 

I can finally leave my bubble (hallelujah) because my counts are coming up so my immune system is stronger and I got my second covid vaccine a couple weeks ago.

oh. heck. yes.

I’m making up for lost time and am adventuring as much as possible. I love springtime because I love flowers. I love the wildflowers on the side of the highway. I love the poppies that pop up along the sidewalks. I especially love flower fields. Unfortunately, we didn’t get enough rain this year for the poppy fields to bloom. Major bummer. But I found some other goodies this spring instead.

My bestie (and mini bestie) and I went to the Carlsbad Strawberry Fields because we found out they also have an epic sunflower maze. Alana also enjoyed the U-Pick strawberries. I sat this one out because I’m not as mobile as I’d like to be and had to rest for a bit. But Alana told me all about it with a red mouth from snacking on her self-picked produce. 

I had Post Malone’s Sunflower stuck in my head all day

The next weekend my parents and I visited the Carlsbad Flower Fields. It was so crowded it felt like Disneyland, but it was gorgeous. I hadn’t been in a couple years. You can’t walk through the rows anymore; they’re blocked off and there are designated photo taking areas. We brought lunch to have a picnic. We enjoyed the live band and the tractor ride tour.  

Me & Momma ❤

The weekend after that Amelia, Alana and I found a tiny flower field where you could walk through the rows of ranunculus in Bonsall. It was literally on the side of the road and you pay $5 for 10 stems you pick yourself. It was so cute! But v hot. And towards the end of the season so the flowers were pretty bleak, but we still enjoyed it. 

I’m buying a new sunhat asap
my 3 besties

Let me know if you have any other epic flower spots in Southern California.

My favorite artist, Claude Monet, said, “I must have flowers, always and always“.

Ditto.

Go Planet, it’s Your Earth Day

I’m a big fan of Mother Earth. I love to explore her and stand in awe of her beauty. But dang, we are so mean to her.

I saw an instagram post today about how Earth Day when we were kids was about turning the water off when we brushed our teeth and cutting the soda rings so it wouldn’t hurt turtles. Luckily I grew up in the PNW where they preached the importance of recycling, going green and sustainability it wasn’t an effort it was just part of our daily lives. But we still have to do more than occasional beach clean ups and switching to reusable straws.

Here are some ways we can help that may seem small but make a big difference:

  • Recycle – not just using the recycle bin but also reusable bags, reusable water bottles, cloth napkins instead of paper towels…
  • Encourage more energy efficiency in the workplace – I’m so proud of the company that I work for in their efforts to be more eco conscious. I see so many brands doing so as well. It gives me hope that this isn’t just importat to individuals and consumers, but on a larger level too. We have to hold major corporations accountable.
  • Carpool or bike which also good for working on your fitness – two birds one stone
  • Eco friendly cleaning materials – oh hay Chrissy Tiegan’s new line with the mother of dragons
  • Mindful shopping – Less Shein, more Poshmark
  • Plant something

What are some other ways we can be more green? I’d love to hear about what you’re doing to save the earth.

We need to restore the heart of Te Fiti. 😝

Be kind to our planet, damn it.

Fore more info and resources, visit EarthDay.org.

*None of the photos in the mood board collage are mine. I found all of them on Pinterest.

BLUES MOOD

Preface: I’m being dramatic.

Not entirely sure I enjoy things still. I’m cranky cuz I haven’t been sleeping well so I’d take what I say with a grain of salt. Mmm salt. Now I want potato chips. Ok I take it back. I enjoy chips.

I also enjoy making these mood boards. I’ve become a bit obsessed. I actually created this along with the Winter Solstice and New Years boards in the same weekend. I get that way. Once I like something I repeat it over and over. I always order the same thing at restaurants. I guess I just know what I like and stick to it.

Feeling down in the dumps is totally normal. We all have gloomy days. Sometimes I just want to curl in my blankets and hide. It’s okay to not be okay.

There were times in the past year where I was so ill I didn’t recognize how low I was. Now that I’m feeling better it’s easier to pinpoint. I have to take steroids 5 days a month on my maintenance protocol which totally sucks. I HATE the way it makes me feel. I get irritable, gnarly heartburn, insomnia, extreme hunger, body aches, sore legs, insane hot flashes, indigestion, jitters, anxiety, a swollen face and just over all discomfort and feeling unwell. Yesterday was day 5 of my monthly steriods but it still takes a few days to leave my body so I’m not feeling too hot today. Plus, the weather has been super gray this week which always takes a toll on my mood.

A unique side effect from my cancer treatment has been anxiety. What a crazy unwelcomed beast. More on that later, maybe.

I’ve never been good at meditation or yoga but I hear those are good practices for days like this. I jotted down a list of things that might help when you’re feeling blue:

  • Read a book
  • Listen to a podcast – (a friend requested the podcast “Your Own Backyard” that I binged a while back and they finally made an arrest THIS WEEK relating to the murder the podcast is about. Highly reccommend if you enjoy true crime)
  • Journal
  • Watch a funny movie
  • Reach out to a friend
  • Exercise
  • Go outside
  • Do something creative (like this mood board)
  • Create a playlist
  • Pet a pup
  • Do something nice for someone else
  • Shop online – (lol retail therapy helps me every time)
  • Get a “happy” lamp if you live in a place that has little sunlight in the winter. I’m well aware of SAD, seasonal affective disorder, after living in Seattle for 18 years and we all need as much “sunlight” as we can get.

What are ways you cope with feeling a little blue?

Hope ya’ll are having a better week than I am.

k bye

*None of the photos in the mood board collage are mine. I found all of them on Pinterest.

Young Adult Cancer Awareness

This week is AYA (Adolescent & Young Adult) Cancer Awareness Week. Yes, I qualify as a young adult (I googled it).

I was just one of 89,500 AYAs (in the US) diagnosed with cancer last year.

AYAs are the most underserved cancer population by age. I sit in a chemo chair surrounded by patients 20-30 years older than me. And I’ve been involved with childhood cancer orgs/programs for my whole life – where there are tons of resources.

The goal of this week is to raise awareness about how hard it can be for young adults under 40 to deal with cancer while trying to keep up with their lives. The hope is to educate on the unique challenges AYAs face and show what their community can do to support them.

One of the cancer accounts I follow, Stupid Cancer, posted on their instagram a series of challenges AYAs deal with and each slide resonated with my experience.


Luckily in my case I was diagnosed in my thirties so I’ve finished school and started a career but I do not have a significant other. Dating during cancer treatment is hard enough but throw a worldwide pandemic into the mix and ya girl has never felt more single.

I don’t feel like myself, with all my ailments, but also I don’t look like myself. So it’s hard to imagine getting to know someone else when I feel so off. I know I’m still me but I want to be the best version of me when I’m possibly meeting my person. But also, I just want to have fun with my girls when this pandemic ends… so who cares anyway? lol


I’ve always been super independent. I haven’t lived with my parents since I was in high school so having them move to California to help take care of me was an adjustment.

I don’t really know how I would have survived this last year with out them upstairs to help. There were so many things that I normally would easily do for myself but all of the sudden couldn’t handle. I couldn’t do my own laundry, cook meals, grocery shop, drive to appointments, clean, walk up stairs, clip my finger nails, open bottles, pick up items, reach for things… the list goes on.

I mean not so long ago I was so weak that I couldn’t even button my jeans.


I was diagnosed at the beginning of the pandemic last year. Not being able to have visitors in the hospital with me for the months I was there alone was bad enough. But I also have to go to the clinic and all doctor’s appointments by myself and haven’t been able to go to friends houses or have visitors in my home. I’ve never spent so much time alone in my life.

Thank goodness for technology but I crave social interactions. I miss my friends.

I constantly talk with my friends about how it’s a silver lining that I did the rough part of my treatment during the pandemic so I didn’t miss out on too much. But I still have FOMO from the few little adventures that I am unable to do. Just a couple more weeks until I’m fully vaccinated!


Holy moly the scanxiety is real. I imagine this won’t ever get easier. I’ll live with this the rest of my life.

When I can’t sleep I google statistics about relapses and then my mind races and I just have to remind myself that I can’t even go there. I just have to manifest that I’ll only have to fight cancer this one time.

Sometimes I think about my brother who died from ALL but then I also think of my friend Natalie who had the same diagnosis when she was a kiddo and is doing great.

Deep breaths and happy thoughts…


This is one of the first things I thought of when I was diagnosed becuase many of my cancer survivor friends have had a difficult time with fertility along with the fact that I’m over 30 and do not have a husband or kids but do have a ticking biological clock.

I am currently in chemical menopause, in an attempt to save some of my eggs. Heyooo hot flashes. But I’m still in treatment until I’m 33 and there’s no guarantee I’m going to meet someone anytime soon. I’ll most likely freeze my eggs, if there are any left. TMI? I just know that I would very much like to be a mother.

I know it’ll all work out one way or another but this is a topic that’s often in the back of my mind.


Thank goodness I have great health insurance but I still have so many medical expenses that aren’t covered. I would much rather be spending that money on anything else. There are still a bunch of pending charges on my account that are like your insurance paid 90% of this bill but you owe $10,000 and I just have to wait and see if I’m actually charged that.

One day I was looking up on my account how much my first month in the hospital cost and it was $600,000.00. Let me say it again – six hundred thousand dollars. For one month! What do people who don’t have insurance do? That is not ok.


I read a comment on the instagram post that was from a young man saying he was diagnosed with ALL (which is my diagnosis) at 35 and was out of work for 3 years and I just thought how lucky am I that the longest I was out of work was for 6 weeks. I’m so grateful that I can work from home and feel well enough (most days) to do so. It’s actually given me something to do that makes me feel productive and helps pass the time. I can’t wait to actually get back to the office to be able to work in person. Again, I miss that human interaction. I’m sure a lot of people do.


I am not a part of any support group and haven’t participated in any cancer events, mostly due to the pandemic but also I’m just not aware of many for my age group/diagnosis. My clinic/cancer/hospital experience isn’t like a movie where I meet my soulmate or bff in the clinic… my empath soul just gets pretty sad waiting amongst the older patients, I wear my headphones so I don’t have to hear the old men snoring and try to make friends with the nurses because they’re the only ones around my age.

After the pandemic, my friend Lizzy and I plan to volunteer with a cancer organization. Everything’s on hold at the moment so we’ll have to do some research to find the right one when we’re able to. I’ll keep ya’ll posted.

For more info and/or resources on AYA Cancer Awareness visit the Stupid Cancer website.

Th-th-that’s all, folks.

A Bone Marrow Biopsy, Palm Springs & Pie

I woke up exhausted today. I haven’t been sleeping very well. A stranger on Instagram said she’s had the same problem and it might be because of the full moon last night. idk. I had a day jam packed with meetings for work and now I’m even more exhausted. Also, I have weird anxiety from social media crap that doesn’t even have to do with me or my life. Is that the full moon too? It’s also an empath problem. I’ve always had some sort of anxiety but since I was diagnosed with cancer during a pandemic I feel it differently. So fun, she said facetiously.

I had a bone marrow biopsy a couple weeks ago. I was super anxious about it because my last one was traumatic, but it went better than I expected. It was the same nurse practitioner that does my lumbar punctures so that helped because we’re homies. It was way quicker than my last one and only one part hurt really bad. I was sore for a long time afterwards though. It’s been a few weeks and it still feels a little tender. My results came back clear which means that the chemo is working and there’s no sign of cancer! Even though I’m on a break from chemo, I still had to get a blood transfusion when my counts were too low, and an infusion the infectious disease doctor said I needed to insure the cdiff doesn’t come back, since I’ve had it twice in the hospital now.

another day another blood transfusion

I feel so good these days. It’s insane how just a few weeks off of chemo can really make a difference in my body. I am walking like a pro. I don’t even use my walker or walking sticks anymore! I still waddle like a drunk toddler sometimes but hey, baby steps. Pun intended.

I’ve had a couple outings which have been delightful. My doctor said that since my counts are rising I’m less immunocompromised which means I can leave my bubble a bit. I still have to be extra cautious until I’m vaccinated, which will hopefully be soon.

My parents, Coco and I went to Palm Springs for the weekend a couple weeks ago to see my aunt and uncle and one of my best friends that was in town. It was so nice to leave my house, sit in the sun and socialize with one of my bffs. As my health is increasing I also need to boost my mental health and this weekend did just the trick. And last weekend I went up to see Amelia in her back yard. Again, just a couple hours in the sun with people I’ve missed so much means the world to me after the year I’ve had.

Palm Springs
Amelia’a backyard & chickens

Yesterday my mum wanted to check out Julian, a little town in the mountains known for their pie. We were not prepared for how freaking cold it was. Mum told us the temp before we left but didn’t take into account the wind factor. My dad was in shorts and slippers lol. So we drove all the way up there, got some pie and drove home. The pie was bomb though. We’ll go back when it’s warmer, and when I can drink wine again because there are a bunch of wineries on the way up.

so ono

Sorry this post was all over the place. I just wanted to send out a quick update since it had been a while. To summarize: Cancer’s gone. Still in treatment for a long time. But feeling good.

k bye

*please excuse any typos, I’m too tired to check Grammarly

Quarantine Memories: Vegas Neon Museum

Hi. Hello. And how do you do? Sorry just had a flashback to my cheerleading days. Yikes.

Mini cancer update: I had my last chemo of the intensive introduction year! Now I have a little bit of a break and then move to maintenance where I’ll only get chemo infusions once a month along with chemo pills (for two years- womp womp). But according to my doctor, I’ll start feeling better and back to normal soon. I did it y’all, I made it through the hard part!! Plus my doctor informed me that I’m in the next tier/phase (whatever it’s called) for vaccines so hopefully I’ll get that soon and will feel so much better and safe and I’ll be able to leave my bubble.

Until then, I’m still living off memories of adventures past.

A couple years ago Amelia and I went to Vegas to see Britney Spears in concert, which was like a religious experience. Truly everything I wanted it to be and more. Also, #FreeBritney! OMG I watched Framing Britney Spears, the NYT doc on Hulu this weekend and I can’t stop thinking about it. I have always loved Britney, I was a super fan back in the day – lol who am I kidding, I still am! I mean I had a Britney themed party for my 25th birthday. This doc breaks my heart. Go watch it right now so we can talk about it. (Is it Project Rose?!)

anywhooooooo…

While in town, we decided to hit up the Neon Museum, otherwise known as the Neon Boneyard. It also did not dissapoint. It’s where all the old neon signs from the strip go to die.

We went for the gram. Peep the pics:

She’s always buzzing just like neon, neon
desert vibes
#adventuresofameliaandkeili
because ducks are my favorite
supes groovy
aloha always
how gorge is my bestie??

#mature

I would totally go back, I’d love to book the nighttime tour. The admission was $20. They have guided tours or you can roam freely. They only let a limited number of people in at a time so I suggest booking ahead of time. 10/10 would recommend to a friend.

k bye

You know what they say; what happens in Vegas… goes on Instagram.

Tata for now.

World Cancer Day

Today is #worldcancerday. Even though my life has always been touched by cancer in some way – my brother died of cancer before I was born, growing up I volunteered at various cancer organizations, I traveled to DC to advocate for cancer research funding, I interned at the Ronald McDonald House in college, and I worked for a childhood cancer foundation for almost 5 years – I now have a completely different perspective of this dreadful disease.

This past year has been the hardest in my life. I’ve never felt so low, so sick, so helpless. I always knew the kiddos I worked with were strong but I understand on a whole new level now.

I guess this day is to help spread awareness but I’m pretty sure everyone’s very aware. I bet every person on earth has somebody in their life that has been affected by cancer. Which is why it’s important to do what we can to prevent, detect earlier and treat cancer successfully.

Some ways you can help is by making a donation to a reputable nonprofit, volunteering your time, donating blood, or sending your favorite bald mermaid funny memes to get through the tough times.

This year has been a rollercoaster ride (lots of ups and downs and vomiting) and I couldn’t have gotten through it without all your support, encouraging words, prayers and aloha. Thank you.

Tropical Fits

Typically this time of year, I’d be in Hawaii. I’ve never gone this long without a trip “home”, yes I still consider Hawaii home, and it’s major bumming me out. So I put together this little board of wearable tropical vibes / aloha print goodies to feel a little closer to the Aloha State.

I tried to touch on every article of clothing I could think of to offer a wide variety of tropical goodness. I couldn’t find any good shoes so if you have any recs send them my way.

This took way too long to compile because it’s the dead of winter… but worth it.

1. Free People Aloha One Piece – It even has aloha in the name.

2. Anthropologie Arielle Sleep Maxi Dress – I actually got my mum this for Christmas and she wears it all the time.

3. Aloha Collection Mid Lei Lei Pouch in Orchid – I have a tote and a few of their pouches and LOVE them. The pouch bags are perfect for wet bikinis, cosmetics or organizing the inside of a larger bag. Who doesn’t love bags in bags?

4. Billabong Wetsuit in Iris – We unfortunately need to wear wetsuits to swim in the ocean in California… why not do it in style?

5. Tropical Face Mask – because that’s the world we live in right now.

6. Gigi Pip 2020 Sloan Straw Hat – Now that I rock a wig, I also love to throw on a hat to make it look a little less wiggy.

7. Slowtide Tarovine Towel – This towel looks like pure sunshine. I dig the tassels.

8. Wa’ahia Future is Wahine Tee – Preach.

9. Beach Riot Cara Legging & Bowie Top in Taupe Vintage Tropical – Workout gear in aloha print? Yes, please.

10. Misha Hawaii Tahitian Pearl Bangle – Every coconut girl needs this staple in their jewelry box.

11. L*SPACE Skyler Pant & Hayes Pullover – Our national wardrobe is now matching sweatsuits (not complaining at all) and how cute is this print?

12. Show Me Your Mumu Say Jay Ruffle Dress in Bright Blooms – Mumu is one of my favorite brands because they always have such fun bright prints and this dress is e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

13. Jams World Print Top in Floral Breeze – This one seems a little cheesy but I actually love Jams World. Paired with some cut off jeans and a flower in your hair and voila!

14. Stone Fox Swim Lele Top in Jungle Iris – Now that I’ve lost weight (thanks cancer), I might actually be able to rock a kini like this. Maybe.

15. Coco Moon Hibiscus Kiss Pareo – This is actually a baby company but they came out with pareos and this hibiscus print gives me hella heart eyes.

Now I’m going to go curl up into a ball and cry about how much I miss Hawaii. Jk… kinda.

aloha