I think I jinxed myself by wearing this shirt.
I started feeling lousy on Christmas. I had a lovely brunch with my parents and we watched Christmas movies and then I went to bed for the next two days because I felt like crap. I got a blood transfusion on Sunday which usually makes me feel better. But the following days I still felt like crap. I just figured I needed another blood transfusion and I go into my appointment on Thursday, which was so hard. I could barely walk to the car. I almost fainted twice that morning. I get to the clinic and they take my temperature and see that I have a fever so they send me to the ER, because my counts were so low. My ANC was at 0.0. I’m admitted to the hospital and they find out I have an infection in my blood and start me on antibiotics. Then my c diff came back and I started to have PTSD from my last visit to the hospital and start to worry that I’ll be stuck there for a month again. My fever wouldn’t go away for days. It’s pretty scary to be in the hospital with several infections and a fever with almost no white blood cells (to fight infections) and super low counts. But the medications started working and my counts started to come up (with the help of daily shots in my belly) and I’m out of there in a little over a week. Thank goodness. That was not how I wanted to start my new year but whatever.
The pharmacy called me before I was discharged and they’re like one of your medications is a bit pricey and I’m like oh yea that’s because it’s a new year and I haven’t met the deductible yet so I’ll just pay for it. The cost was $2400. For 12 pills. That is just INSANE. What do people who don’t have insurance do? Die?!
I’m behind on my chemo schedule since the little hospital visit set us back a bit. I’m starting up again on Thursday and will just have 2-3 more weeks left before I can move to maintenance. I’m looking forward to finishing but not looking forward to feeling like crap until then. It’s crazy how the cure and treatment can be almost worse than the cancer. Someone needs to find a better way to fight this crap. Cancer sucks. But so does chemo.
Sometimes I spend all day at the clinic. This day I had labs, a blood transfusion, two chemo infusions and a shot in my booty. Luckily I had a big project at work so I put all my energy into that instead of focusing on the fact that I was in the clinic for like 10 hours. My AirPods died towards the end which was a big bummer. I really need to start bringing a charger with me everywhere. I don’t know how I haven’t learned that lesson yet. I am so not going to miss long days like that.
My hair does not look like the picture above. It’s falling out like crazy but I look so funny. It’s like an old man with a receding hairline because the front is falling out but the sides are still pretty long. I look like George Costanza from Seinfeld. I think it’s time to buzz the rest off.
This sweet nugget was so happy to see me when I got home from the hospital. She laid on top of me for like 20 minutes as if to say you’re never leaving ever again.
Wish me luck as I finish off this never-ending trying-to-kill-me round of chemo.
2 thoughts on “The Cure is Trying to Kill Me”
Wishing you comfort and wellness, and sending a heartful of care during this next round of what’s coming. Guessing your writing gives you a bit of an uplift; also guessing you have no idea how inspirational it is to the rest of us. Am cheering for you!
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